I’m Popeye the Spiteful Man
(Ladytron – Destroy Everything You Touch)

Coming from a science background, I fully appreciate what our scientists are doing on a day to day basis -- trying to solve some of the biggest issues of our generation like the AIDS, cancer, the mutant X gene, etc. However, from a purely selfish perspective, I'd like to see scientists take on this idea.

Isolate the Spite Chemical.

Have you noticed what people are capable of when they're bitter? Outside of natural ambition, I don't think there's a single motivator better than spite. I knew a guy that learned how to speak a language fluently because people kept teasing him. This same guy also learned how to ski and got his skiing instructors license for the very same reason. Now if we can isolate the chemical in the brain that fuels this type of motivational spite, we could reproduce this in mass quantities and sell it in a can. It could be your own Popeye spinach! Imagine how focused you’d be as an athlete after taking a few shots of this chemical before a game. And the great thing about it is, no one can accuse you of cheating. What are they going to test for? Spite?

Just imagine how much money you could make from selling a product like this. I know I’d pre-order a few crates if it were available (not that I don't have high levels of spite already).